I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
