I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
