not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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