just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Randomize
