You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
