And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
