Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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