I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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