Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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