she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
