I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
