Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
