mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
