What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
