No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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