my phone needs a breathalizer
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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