So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
