Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
