It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
