I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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