its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
