My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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