U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
