i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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