i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
