people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
