to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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