I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
