Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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