Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
