like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
