I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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