doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize