You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize