Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize