I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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