Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
