sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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