I need help removing her.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
