im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
