so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
