i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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