you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
