Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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