If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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