He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
