People in love make me want to vomit
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
