I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
