so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
