Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
