I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
