Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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