The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
