I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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