Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
