just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
