Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
