careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
