dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
