What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
