The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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