I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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