D3 body, D1 cock
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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