I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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