I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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