Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
