don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
