we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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