What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
