some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
