Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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